


HOLD ON TO ME

by TopherIsATribble



Category: Three Days Grace (Band)
Genre: Christmas, Fluff, Holidays, Holidays 2013, M/M, Title from the Bo Bice song, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-05-06 07:36:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5408393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TopherIsATribble/pseuds/TopherIsATribble
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brad is determined to feel and notice every detail he can about the holidays this year.</p>
            </blockquote>





	HOLD ON TO ME

Sense.

It’s a little thing, something small that you can detect about your surroundings, often inconsequential other than bringing about awareness, and yet the things that you could sense often make us feel who we are as well. And the perfect time to notice these little things is the holiday season. And such was the case this year for one bassist. Brad was determined to try to notice all the little things he could about the holidays this year.

Music.

Something that surrounded the bassist’s life often went without notice when he wasn’t choosing to put it on or play it. It seemed to start up earlier and earlier every year, the Christmas tunes, often with Neil humming along or playfully singing along to “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer”. This year, the first song that played was “All I Want for Christmas Is You” by Mariah Carey, and while Brad had heard the song before, he listened to every word for the first time as he watched Neil playfully sing along to the song this time as well, although this year, it was to Brad for the first time, not just in the same room.

Lights.

Usually, the band would all go and see a lights display in whatever town they were playing leading up to Christmas because it was just the Christmassy thing to do. Sure, Brad liked the lights, and the colors, but oftentimes his mind was too absorbed in things like what gifts to get, or how warm Neil would be in this damn cold (because everyone KNEW the drummer was practically a furnace). But as the band flocked to their tradition one cool night, this time with Matt instead of Adam, Brad could only smile softly as he looked at the gleam and color of every individual bulb that he could, until his eyes went crossed and his legs started to tire and soon he was shivering against Neil tiredly, no more thoughts of if Adam would be upset on his mind.

Eggnog. 

The sweet Christmas beverage, cool and thick washed over him as he took a sip with a small grin at the band’s annual Christmas party. Matt was in the corner chatting with Dani, Shawn and Barry were talking about god knows what, and Neil was off doing something complete with a Santa hat on his head. Brad closed his eyes and savored the flavor. He noted the spice of cinnamon and the slight sharpness of the bourbon he knew was inside. He swallowed for a second, just thinking as Neil approached a moment later and told him to come on, that it was present time.

Presents.

Everyone had gotten everyone something, something small and useful. For Brad, that had meant getting Matt a scarf, Shawn a new set of colored pencils, Barry a pocket knife, Dani a sheet music notebook, and Neil a cool pair of fingerless gloves. He received in return a pair of earbuds from Matt, a pair of socks from Shawn, a beanie from Barry, a stuffed Penguin from Dani (because Dani said he thought it was cute), and… A pair of mittens from Neil. Even after trying to pay attention to the feel of the wrapping paper beneath his fingers and the smiles on everyone’s faces, Brad couldn’t help but giggle at the fact that he and Neil’s gifts to each other were so similar, despite the fact that he knew everyone had noticed his hands were always cold. The other guys had snickered, really, with a wink and a “Great minds think alike” coming from Neil. Brad continued to chuckle throughout the night.

Snow.

Later in the evening of their Christmas party (which happened to take place on December 23rd, at Neil’s house now that they had made it home), Brad had stepped outside for a breath of fresh air, having stopped at one cup of eggnog because he still had to drive home, somehow still distracted by the thought of Adam not being there despite that it had been just over a year since they had seen each other last. While there hadn’t been anything romantic between the two of them, Adam had always been Brad’s closest friend and Brad had always avoided upsetting him, knowing that Adam hadn’t wanted any relationships in the band so that there wouldn’t be any drama. Well, Adam had ruined the no drama part. And Brad could only sigh as he felt a gentle, cool wind start up, snowflakes beginning to fall all over him and his surroundings. He felt the cold, damp sensation of it all, and as he turned to go back inside, he felt the warmth of a large man with strong arms first beside him, then hugging him close.

Words.

Brad listened carefully to every letter, every syllable that came out of the drummer’s mouth. “I know it’s been hard, Brad… He’s not here anymore. I know. But it’s Christmastime and you have your brother and all of us, and it’s okay… I promise.” Brad could smell the alcohol on Neil’s breath, could feel the warmth around him as he noticed a tree hanging over them with mistletoe littering its branches. He watched the drummer look up, swallowed, thought about the boozy smell and the cold and the tears he could feel running down his face at the tears that started to form. This wasn’t how a first kiss should be. He found himself pushing away, walking inside to grab his keys and things with no feeling at all, no sensation except numbness.

Loneliness.

Even though it was only 9 PM, Brad was driving home, a normally dark sky and road lit up by Christmas lights galore, families celebrating, cars all around, having had Christmas parties like them he could only assume. His house was cold, uninviting, as he pulled in and stepped inside, that lonely feeling in the pit of his stomach. He knew that Christmas day would be spent with Matt, something typical for the two brothers, and he realized his brother might be wondering why he rushed out without a word. He grabbed the phone, debating on leaving Matt a message, but decided he wouldn’t ruin the party, and would talk to his brother in the morning.

Exhaustion.

As he thought his way through all the details of this month, as well as the past year, Brad swallowed. Good times and bad, he couldn’t help more tears falling. It was exhausting, the first time he had let himself cry over his loss of his friendship and let himself feel everything to the deepest extent he had possible. He cried for the loss of Adam, for the frustration of not having that someone to be his best friend any longer, for the knowledge that he was falling for his drummer, for the knowledge that his drummer was falling as well, for the fact that he had almost been kissed through a boozed-up haze. Brad cried until his tears and energy were gone, falling asleep in a bed far too large for one person, a detail he had only just noticed.

Silence.

The house the next day was so silent, it was deafening. He had to clean up, because Matt would be over the next day, but despite the sound of himself going through the motions of cleaning a house that time was barely spent in anyway, he still felt like it was too quiet. Three CDs later, it was still far too quiet, until the doorbell rang. It was Matt, a gentle smile on the younger brother’s face, as Brad felt himself being pulled into a hug. He pulled Matt to the couch, the heat turned on though he still felt cold, sitting down and apologizing, explaining to Matt about everything he had been feeling over the past year and noticing. 

Understanding.

He felt Matt pull him into another hug, heard the comforts murmured into his ear. “I’ll stay with you tonight, too,” Matt said, hugging Brad close, Brad murmuring his thanks, knowing his brother got it without having to ask questions. He heard Matt mention having to go get Buddy, and Brad nodded, telling him he could survive a short while alone, felt Matt pull away, as he curled up and put on The Nightmare Before Christmas while his brother left to go and get his dog for the night.

Relaxation.

Brad felt more and more at ease as Matt returned with Buddy. He smiled as they had a Christmas marathon of movies, funny ones, sweet ones, laughing and relaxing with hot chocolate. He continued to relax and rest as he and Matt moved to Brad’s room for the night, cuddling together like they would when they were kids and it was stormy out. He fell asleep in his brother’s arms, relaxing more than he had in over a year.

Family.

As they awoke to a dog’s warm tongue licking their faces, Brad and Matt laughed simultaneously. “Merry Christmas,” Brad said gently, hugging his brother close once more and standing to go and make breakfast for the two of them, more gifts beneath the tree for each other and for their parents, who were to come over later that day for dinner. He made a light breakfast for his brother and himself, smiling all the way as Matt stumbled downstairs and flipped on the TV to some music. They ate together, laughed together, grinned as their parents arrived with food and gifts. Buddy was fed scraps of meat beneath the table, the family together as one once more. And soon they had all had their fill of food and opened their gifts to each other, and Matt and Brad were about to have a Guitar Hero battle as the doorbell rang and Brad approached confusedly to open the door to the sight of their drummer.

Love.

Brad swallowed, looking at the larger man, unsure of what to say other than to mention that his family was over. “I know, I’m sorry…” Neil said, and Brad continued to look at him, on edge. “I just… I forgot to give you your other gift, or, well… I wasn’t sober enough to give it to you.” Brad’s eyes widened and Neil pulled him close, hanging a piece of mistletoe above the door. Brad swallowed, but felt himself leaning in, felt Neil move closer, and finally felt his drummer’s lips upon his own, a gentle, sweet kiss, far less sloppy than the ones he had seen Neil laying on girls in the past. And as it broke, and they pulled away, breathless, Neil smiled crookedly. “No one else has ever meant a thing to me, Brad, and I’ve been wanting to do that for years, I want this to be a new chapter-“ and soon Brad was cutting him off with another soft kiss.

“I love you, Neil,” Brad said gently, hugging Neil close. “I… Can you come in? I… I want you to stay.” He watched the drummer nod, pulled him inside.

“I love you too, Brad,” Neil murmured. “I always have, and I always will, forever.” Brad smiled gently and nodded.

“I know.” He pulled Neil in, walked toward his family. “Hey, mom, dad, you remember Neil… Well… We’re in love. And so I invited him to stay. Because he’s family too.” Brad watched his parents smile gently and welcome Neil in, watched Matt smile in the corner as he let his parents speak to Neil a moment longer and moved to hug Matt happily. Brad didn’t think he had ever been surrounded by this much love at once.

Restfulness.

As his parents and brother had stayed for a while before heading out when it got to be later and almost too late to leave, he was left with Neil, the two of them now cuddling together upon the couch while listening to Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You” once more. Another kiss, as Brad pulled Neil to bed, exhausted. The two of them cuddled under the covers, the bed no longer feeling too big, but rather just right, Neil’s arms wrapping around Brad as they began to drift off to sleep. And before he found sleep, Brad found himself noticing and clinging onto one last sensation for the holidays.

Happiness.


End file.
